WHAT’S WRONG WITH HAVING A BEST FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

One of the questions asked me by one of the participants during a relationship talk show I organized for teenagers earlier this year was “Is having a best friend of the opposite sex bad?” Certainly that wasn’t the first time I had heard that question. In fact, I seriously needed an answer to that question too when I was in first year in the University. It was not until about three years ago that I got a better understanding to the concept of the “Opposite-sex bestie” thing. My discovery? Well this is it…

First of all, I don’t focus so much on the term “best friend”. Why? Because you could have a very healthy friendship with someone whom you call just a friend than someone would have with the person he calls his best friend. Also, we do not always mean the things we say. For example, I remember the many girls I have called “my wife” in my lifetime, yet we were never married, neither did we date. In fact, for some of them, I only remembered that they were my “wives” each time we met. Funny right? Interestingly, I didn’t even have the contact numbers of some of them. On the other hand, I have had some form of intimate relationships with at least two ladies, although I never called any of them “my wife”. And I know that many of you can relate too. My point is that, terms (calling the person your best friend) is not the issue here. The main focus must be on how the relationship is being managed.

Whether or not you call someone of the opposite sex your best friend, I think the relationship can be termed unhealthy or dangerous when any of the following three things exist. I call them the three intimacy tests.

1. The chemistry test – Do you have feelings for the person? If your answer is yes, then note that your friendship is losing its innocence. In that case, I would advise you to find a way to distant yourself from the person unless you are interested in pursuing a marriage-driven romantic relationship and the timing is right (You can read my article on THE RIGHT TIME TO DATE – FOR SURE for more on that)

2. The communication test – Do you talk daily, anytime about everything and nothing? Although communication is very key in every relationship, even acquaintances, you don’t have to talk to someone daily (literally) to keep that relationship, unless of course that person is your spouse or spouse-to-be. Imagine that of all the people you call friends on earth from various parts of your life (family, school, work etc), one particular person wants to hear from you daily and wants you to know everything that is going on in his life too. Do you think that is innocent? I doubt. If you find yourself doing that to someone of the opposite sex or vice versa, then know that your relationship with the person is crossing the friendship line. In that case, you need to find a way to stop that or you will “fall in love” before you know it, that is, if you haven’t already.

3. The jealousy test – Do you get jealous when the other person gives you less attention? How about when the person gives the attention he gives you to someone else? Apart from your spouse, every other person in your life is supposed to be shared with everyone else. Once you begin to feel you “own” the person, know that you are already emotionally attached and you must pay attention to it.

In conclusion, whether or not your relationship with someone of the opposite sex is wrong or better still unhealthy is dependent on how that relationship is being managed and not necessarily how you call it. Remember that, just as Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:2, you must:

…not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. [Emphasis mine]