WAITING AND GAINING

By God’s grace I have been dating for almost nine months now and I am really enjoying the experience so far. In fact, I do not miss my time of singleness at all. Nonetheless, I do not regret the way I managed my life during that season either. I am actually proud of it. As I reminisce my experiences and analyze that of others, I discovered that investing your time practicing the following 5 tips while you wait for the right time to pursue a marriage driven romantic relationship will surely put you in a position to gain so much in this season of your life, whiles giving you a good foundation to enter your next season. Please take note that these 5 things are not cast-in-stone laws that you must follow religiously in order to enjoy this season (because only God – His grace and wisdom – can make that possible). Also, they are not the only things you can do to gain as you wait. However, they are suggestions that I believe when practiced with the right attitude can benefit you greatly, both now and in the future. Below are the 5 tips:

1. Be patient, and trust that God KNOWS, WANTS and WILL GET the best for you. I believe that this understanding should be your foundational attitude as you aim to gain in your wait. Decide to put dating aside until you are ready to marry (that’s what dating is about anyway). There are others who although believe that God knows the best for them, do not believe that He wants the best for them. Others too may doubt that God will get the best for them and so forth. Consequently, they rush into many relationships and make terrible avoidable mistakes. Well, I want to remind you that God is not a man. He is an all-knowing, all-powerful and loving Father. Do you doubt that God knows the best for you? Well check this out:

“For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the LORD,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11- New International Version)

For your information, this plan includes a plan for your marriage. How about if you are not sure He wants the best for you? Check out what God was thinking about Adam in his (Adam) oblivion:

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” (Genesis 2:18- New Living Translation) [emphasis mine]

The good news about our heavenly Father is that not only does He know and want the best for us, He also gives [only] good and perfect gifts (James 1:17) and that’s why He will give you the best as long as you trust and wait on Him. See what He did for Adam after He desired a helper for him:

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:22- New International Version)

With this in mind, enjoy intimacy with God and find your satisfaction in Him. This will help you not to rush into a relationship knowing that God’s got you covered just like I experienced. Apart from the progress I made in my relationship with God, it saved me from the many heartaches that come from broken relationships, and gave me more time to invest in productive things. Please take note that this does not mean that God is literally going to make the choice for you. However, it does mean that your thinking will be aligned to His to know the right things to look out for and the right time to make a move the right way.

Decide to put dating aside until you are ready to marry

2. Be preoccupied with discovering and fulfilling God’s purpose for your life.

“Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is”

(Ephesians 5:17- New King James Version)

Do you know that God has a purpose for your life? As a matter of fact, you exist now because of that purpose. My mentor, Pastor KK Baidoo, always says that purpose precedes creation and that’s so true. How do I know? Jeremiah 1:5 clearly reveals this truth. God made it clear that he (Jeremiah) was known even before he was conceived in his mother’s womb. And even more, the reason for his birth is what caused his birth. The late Dr Myles Munroe used to say that Purpose answers the question WHY! And rightly so your life has a WHY. In the Purpose Driven life book, Rick Warren states that "Life without God has no purpose, life without purpose has no meaning and life without meaning has no hope or significance". Discovering God’s purpose for your life in this period is extremely critical in that it will determine to a large extent when and who you will finally settle with in life. Many people have veered off course in life because of the person they chose to marry. Apart from your salvation your marriage decision is arguably the most important decision in life, so why the rush? After all, all other things being equal, you’d be married most part of your life. As you wait for the right time to pursue a marriage-driven romantic relationship, be preoccupied with fellowshipping with God and other believers, pursuing your passion and taking advantage of the opportunities that come your way, as they will help you to discover the “why” to your life so that you can choose the suitable helper who is just right for you. As a matter of fact, when you discover your “why” in life, it will be easier to know the “who” and “when” where marriage is concerned.

3. Pray about your future partner and marriage always.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (Philippians 4:6-New Living Translation)

Paul admonishes us in Ephesians 6:18 that we should pray about everything, yes everything, including our relationships and marriages. I know some people who find it quite eerie to speak to God about their emotions, sexual desires and marriage. Interestingly, however, God is more interested in hearing every detail of your life than you ever will be willing to let Him know. And in fact, as an omniscient God, He already knows everything, so what do you think you may be hiding from Him? Check out what the Apostle Peter wrote about what God expects us to talk to Him about:

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully” (1 Peter 5:7- Amplified Bible)

Beyond seeing God as the creator, see Him as your Father too because that’s who He is to you. No wonder in teaching His disciples how to pray, Jesus Christ began by saying, “pray this way, our Father…” (Matthew 6:9). Wow! What a great privilege it is to have a Father who, although is all powerful, cares so much about you that He’s excited when you call him Father and relate to Him as such! I cannot count the number of times I prayed about my future marriage and partner (and I still do). Today, as I look back my heart is filled with so much gratitude and I see how God had been preparing me for someone He had been preparing for me. I urge you, therefore, to make it a habit to pray about your marriage and spouse, especially in times when your emotions feels overpowering. As you do that, not only will you be comforted with God’s peace, but it will serve as a good foundation upon which your future will be built.

When you discover your “why” in life, it will be easier to know the “who” and “when” where marriage is concerned

4. Enjoy accountability on all levels

“Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other person up…Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm…” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)

We need each other to speak, sing and sometimes shout the truth of God's word to us. We need each other to pray for us when we are in the midst of temptation. We need friends who will hold on to us when we are ready to give up. We need people who will challenge and even rebuke us when we are indulging in sin. Though the Christian life is a PERSONAL relationship with God, it's NOT a PRIVATE one. As interesting as it may sound, to be accountable to someone means to be vulnerable and yet therein lies the strength needed to live the victorious Christian life. Joshua Harris, in his book, “Sex is not the problem, lust is” quoted Alan Medinger as defining an accountability relationship as “a relationship in which a Christian gives permission to another believer to look into his life for purposes of questioning, challenging, admonishing, advising, encouraging and otherwise providing input in ways that will help the individual live according to the Christian principles that they both hold.”. I usually recommend that to enjoy the full benefits of accountability relationships, it must be on three levels; upward – someone you look up to (a mentor), lateral – someone you look forward with (a mate, friend) and downward – someone who looks up to you (a protégé or mentee). I strongly recommend same-sex accountability especially for lateral accountability unless of course it’s group accountability involving more than two people. I cannot overemphasize the difference these accountability relationships made in my life during my waiting season, and in fact, still do. May you receive the grace to apply this wisdom even as you wait.

5. Pursue knowledge and develop skills, attitude and character.

“…Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge…”

(2 Peter 1:5-7- New International Version)

Whether you agree with me or not, the kind and amount of freedom (especially with respect to time) you enjoy when you are single reduces when you start dating. As a result there are opportunities you can only optimize when you are single. You certainly would want to gain as you wait by adding to your knowledge, and developing skills and character. Read a book, spend more time in bible study and prayer, go for a seminar, start a business, learn how to play a musical instrument, get actively involved in ministry and things that make you work with people, go on a mission trip, start a blog, do something to add to your value. May it be that you have so much to give to the person you will be dating when you eventually start dating. Today, my courtship is as successful as the knowledge, skills and character I developed before I started dating (that doesn’t mean I am not growing, I am!), and your story will not be different.