5 SURE WAYS TO MANAGE YOUR CRUSH – PART 2

In my earlier article – 5 SURE WAYS TO MANAGE YOUR CRUSH – PART 1 – I talked about the first three. As promised, I will talk about the last 2 in this article. Please note that these management techniques are not exhaustive, although they are sufficient. The last two techniques are:

1. Cut or reduce communication drastically. Communication is the fuel for every relationship. The power communication has in our emotions cannot be overemphasized. It’s interesting though, how much we underestimate it. Concerning cutting communication, Pastor KK wrote:

“If you really want to keep your crush in check, you are better off cutting communication and staying as far as you can. You have to have been connected somehow with the person socially in order to have a crush on them. So knowing this, I can say with all confidence that one sure way to stop yourself from crushing on someone is to cut your communication with the person at least for a while.”

There are four major components of communication that determines the extent to which you will get emotionally attached to someone especially of the opposite sex, and they are frequency, duration, content and time. I strongly advice that if you are killing the crush, you don’t initiate a conversation with the person at all except for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, Easter and the like. However make sure your message (that is, if you choose to send a message) is as succinct as possible. The information below is focused on when you are testing the crush.

• Frequency: Frequency means “how often?” How often you talk to someone will determine how close you will be with the person. If you are testing a crush you have on someone, it’s wise you reduce all communication to when it is necessary. Don’t just talk or spend time together because that will rather fuel your emotions and not ‘turn it off’, and once it’s “always on” your test results is likely to be inaccurate.

• Duration: Duration means “how long?” How long you talk to someone will determine how close you will be with the person. As you check the frequency of your communication with your crush, check the duration as well. Even if you talk to the person keep it as succinct as possible. If not, you invite the ‘silent’ moment in conversations where no one is really talking and yet none of you want to end the conversation too. That’s recipe for deep emotional attachment because in those times you hear your ‘hearts’ although you may not hear each other’s voices.

• Content: Content means “what?” What your conversation is centered on also goes a long way to determine your level of emotional attachment to someone and how well you can manage your crush. I have identified four kinds of conversations that can serve as a catalyst to intensifying the crush. They are:

A. Sexual conversations. If the content of your conversation with your crush is sexual in nature, it definitely will speed up the emotional attachment to that person.

B. Secret information. Secret information here refers to sharing information with someone that you don’t share or rarely share with anyone else. Doing this with a person of the opposite sex, especially someone you are crushing on can be very precarious and can begin to make the person feel more “special” and once that sets in, your journey on the road of extreme emotional attachment will continue.

C. Heart issues. By heart issues I am referring to exactly what the apostle Peter described in 1 Peter 5:7 which says, casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns…Anything that is a worry, a concern or makes you anxious is a heart issue. When you quickly inform someone of the opposite sex, especially your crush about how disappointed you are in your mum because she shouted at you, or how you feel bored, or how you feel your new hair style is not as nice as you had predicted, or anything that matters to you, watch it because that has a lot of potential in stirring up some more deep emotional attachment. It doesn’t matter whether what is shared is trivial or vital.

D. ‘Everything and nothing’ conversation. I once asked a lady I was counseling about what she was discussing with a young man for the three hours they had been talking and she said I don’t even know. Wow! Three hours of talking about everything and nothing? I know what some of you may be asking. Does it mean all our conversations with our opposite sex friends must be planned? Certainly not! But for someone you are crushing on, it definitely must be! There’s nothing wrong with such conversations with friends of the opposite sex if they happen once in a while or if they happen with different people at different times. But for your crush, especially when you are testing it, NO WAY!!

• Time: Time means “when”. Sometime ago, in Ghana, one of the communication networks began a ‘free night calls’ service, where you could call anyone on the same network for free from 12am to 5am. Oh my! It was such a revolution! I remember how many young people including me became nocturnal beings, working seriously at night and sleeping during the day. But that’s not even the point. The point is that, the free night calls seemed to have some form of power to engage and stir up emotions that normal day calls did not have. And it made sense since many things were working in our favor; darkness, quietness, serenity, relaxed (usually in bed), cool weather and so on. Most of the times I ever engaged in phone sex was during that period. What a shock!!! You have no business whatsoever chatting with your crush late at night. It’s not healthy at all as it can lead you to compromise on your core values. And especially if you want to test your crush, you really don’t have an option.

2. Expand your circle. Sometimes you may end up crushing on someone because of the amount of time you have invested in your relationship with the person. This is especially typical of a place-triggered crush. Even if that’s not your case, one of the sure ways you can manage the crush is choosing to intentionally spend time with other people apart from your crush, knowing very well the power of communication. Always remember that mental presence (not physical absence) makes the heart grow fonder and so you may choose to cut communication with the person but still have the person in mind as you look at the pictures and videos that have the person in it, or read previous chats with the person or actively follow the person on social media and the like. Check out the wisdom Paul passed on to Timothy, his son in the Lord, in 2 Timothy 2:22.

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith love and peace…

You realize that his goal was to get Timothy as far away from youthful lust as possible, yet he encouraged him to not only flee youthful lust but to pursue godliness on the contrary. There are many other wonderful people in your life you will be excited about when you get to know them a bit more. Take up that challenge and see this time of your life as an opportunity to do so. Good news is that, not only will it help you get to know more people, it also will definitely help you manage your crush.